UC San Diego

During the process of Titus Andronicus, I asked myself: what makes a good leader? How can I implement adaptive solutions in an unpredictable environment? Similarly to the character of Titus, I had many traditional expectations of myself as a leader: independent, strong, hard working, honorable, selfless, and endowed with formal authority. We both shouldered the weight of our family of collaborators and persevered alone through every challenge. This unyielding strategy did not support my work on the project. I was confused about how to position myself as a creative partner, just as Titus was disorientated by resigning his standing in society. I realized that focusing on the technical aspects of stage management was not enough and I sought to engage wholeheartedly with my work.

I was fortunate that the director engaged fully with his collaborators, and I felt comfortable being vulnerable with him. I took a risk by confiding in him that I felt lost in our partnership and needed help. That conversation was the tipping point that allowed me to be more flexible and relax into the flow of the rehearsals. I softened my rigid approach, integrating the creative, spirited, and passionate parts of myself into my work and allowed myself to cross between the formal and informal aspects of my approach. When possible, I stopped making unilateral decisions in advance and chose to respond in the moment. I finessed my leadership style by remaining in response to the needs of the process while allowing the space for change.