UC San Diego

ABSTRACT OF THE DISSERTATION

...on a par with grass & twigs...

by

Brian Griffeath-Loeb

Doctor of Philosophy in Music

University of California, San Diego, 2013

Professor Rand Steiger, Chair

"What in my music would I be most fearful to let go of?" The question provokes clear, visceral response, an indication of fear and reluctance. Curiously, the answer is never the favorite or most personal element but the safety net--some long-ago discovery, since emptied of all provocation, yet clung to out of habit. It is the thing I don't even see, yet whose proposed absence triggers immediate protest: "No, you see, I need that thing there in order to keep doing my work--the important stuff--over here." But the truth is the "work over here" has already been done. Were it otherwise, my question would not have triggered such opposition, which latter exposes a refusal to even look--a creative blind spot. And so what appeared necessary support for experimentation is in fact the very thing preventing it.

Looking back, my development while at UCSD has been a reiterative process of mounting frustration leading to impasse, followed by new means of relinquishing control, allowing another step forward. ...on a par with grass & twigs... is my most extensive detachment to date--the culmination of seven years' effort to let go.